When we’re not getting something we want or need, we have a decision to make. We can either accept what we’re receiving or we can demand more. We might not have gotten the job we wanted, so we settle for less by applying for and getting a less challenging job, or one that doesn’t pay as well. The guy you’re dating doesn’t ever make any romantic gestures, but he’s a nice guy so you decide romantic gestures are no longer important to you. Your friend from high school never calls to check up on you. You always have to reach out to her so you can continue to have her in your life. The trouble with settling is that you’re not getting what you deserve, which is the very best! You deserve that director position, if that’s what you want. You deserve to receive flowers just because it’s Wednesday, if that’s important to you. And you deserve to have friends that will call you up to invite you to lunch. But if you continue to settle, you’ll never have those things.
When we settle, we are essentially giving up on a dream, a goal or simply something that’s important to us. And that decision can have long-term consequences. If we settle a little bit here and a little bit there, we may look up 20-30 years from now and find that we’ve been living a mediocre life. And that realization could bring about regret. A friend of mine used to always say that when you settle, you end up getting less than what you settled for. Today, we will discuss why people settle and some things we can do ensure we’re getting the best that life has to offer.
Reasons
I’ve got three main reasons why we settle for less than the best. We’re lacking something within, we put others before ourselves and fear.
Lack
Some of us don’t demand the best because we’re lacking self-worth, self-esteem or self-confidence. We simply don’t think we can do any better so we decide to make the most out of what we already have, or what we can easily attain. The problem with this strategy is that we sometimes can’t make the most out of these things because deep down we’ll always desire more. It ends up becoming a cycle of discontent. You desire more but then you aim low. You hit the bullseye when you aimed low so now you’re back where you started, wanting more. Or maybe you’re initially satisfied when you aimed low. You’re happy about this new opportunity but once that excitement wears off, you’re back to wanting more. We need to elevate our opinion of ourselves. Take a look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I am willing. I am capable. I am deserving.”
Others
A lot of us don’t demand the best because we put the wants, needs or feelings of others ahead of our own wants, needs or feelings. We’re not willing to have that uncomfortable conversation about what someone isn’t doing or what they could be doing better so we just suck it up and deal with it. That’s also known as settling. But if that person comes to us with the same sort of feedback, we’re quick to make changes and comply. Why is that? Are that person’s wants, needs or feelings truly that more important that we’re willing to sacrifice something that could bring us happiness? By settling, we’re implying that the answer is yes. It’s not that we should make demands of that person with no intention of reciprocating. I’m saying there should be a happy medium. Some give and take.
Fear
Sometimes we settle because we’re afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of failure. And also afraid of success. What if you demand more from someone you love, but they’re not willing to meet your demands? What if you apply for that job, but they don’t hire you? What if you start your own business, and it takes off? What will that mean for you and your family? Fear is real because there is a possibility that what we are afraid will happen actually will. And if it does, we don’t know how we would handle it. So we stay where we’re comfortable or where we already know what the outcome will be. Fear stops us in our tracks. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Instead of viewing rejection, failure and success as bad things, think about it like this. If that person wasn’t willing to make some changes to make you happy, was he or she really the one? If you don’t get the job, at least you’ll know the outcome. If you never even apply, you’ll never know what would have happened. And if you’re successful, you’ll have done what so many tried to do but failed.
I am not going to settle for less
Hopefully by now, you’ve decided that settling for less “ain’t it.” Now what? Where do you go from here? How do you stop settling for less? Let’s touch on three ways: take ownership of your life, set attainable goals and start habits that will make you great.
I am taking ownership of my life
Only you can define what settling for less means or looks like, because it’s different for everyone. Not everyone wants to be a CEO before 40. Not everyone wants to be married by 30. And not everyone has to achieve a life milestone by a certain age. So, I would say to first think about what YOU want out of life. What is acceptable by YOUR standards? And second, take an inventory of your life. In what areas have you settled for less? Have you settled for less in your relationship with your significant other? Have you settled less in your job or career? Have you settled for less in your life overall?
The third step you could take is to take some time to think and reflect on WHY you’ve settled for less in these areas. Are you lacking something within? Have you been putting the wants, needs and feelings of others ahead of your own? Or are you afraid of something? If you don’t take this important step, it’s likely you’ll fall back into settling again. Taking ownership of your life means that you’re thinking through every nook and cranny of your life, examining why it is the way it is and making a change if you believe it is needed. So the final step is, as I was saying at the start of this podcast, to make a decision – either accept what we’re receiving or demand more. You could potentially upend your life, but if you’ve thought it through enough, and decided that YOU are worth the change, then make it and don’t look back. Change is never easy, but it’s always worth it in the end.
I am setting attainable goals
We have to be realistic. Sometimes the goals we set are unachievable. They can be unattainable for ourselves or unattainable for other people. You have to consider that you might not ever meet a man who’s over 6-feet tall, rich, highly educated, with all of his hair, no children, who is faithful, loyal, communicates, is a great lover and has good fashion sense. So your boyfriend, who is 5’11, currently a business development manager working on his degree and has one child from a previous relationship but is loyal and communicates, suits you just fine. No, he’s not perfect, but neither are you. Or maybe you expect to been a vice president at your company by age 30. While it can be done, you have a lot of experience to acquire first. Like maybe becoming a manager, then a director, then a VP, which may not all happen before 30. Set goals that you know you can attain. Understand that if you attach a timeline to those goals, things may not fall in line the way you like. But, stay the course and the goal will be met.
I am starting habits that make me great
The average person spends 142 minutes per day on social media. And most times, what is gained from that time spent is not something useful. It’s usually entertainment only. Just imagine if you spent two hours per day reading a book on a topic that will help you get ahead at work. Or if you spent just a fraction of that time pouring into relationships that are suffering. What if you got to bed early for a change. Or started practicing mindfulness? As they say, time is money. And if you’re setting goals but aren’t taking action to achieve them, then you’ve started on the path of settling for less.
What makes YOU great is specific to YOU. Maybe you want to be a better parent. You spend so much time at work. Maybe a habit that will make you great is to spend more time with your kids by taking them for ice cream after school on Friday. Or maybe you’ve been living above your means. A new habit could be to go on a spending fast and only spend money on bills and food. A lot of us are traveling in circles. Doing the same thing and getting the same outcome. Instead, change your behavior and get a different outcome!
CONCLUSION
Settling for less than what you’ve already declared you want or need is essentially making a sacrifice. Understand that when you settle, you usually get less than what you settled for and you could miss out on a life filled with amazing experiences. You could be holding yourself back from a more fulfilling relationship or career because you’re lacking self-confidence within. Or, you could be reluctant to go for more because you’re afraid or put other people ahead of yourself. Make a decision today to not settle for less. Take your life into your own hands, set some attainable goals and take on some habits that will set yourself up for success. Because anything less is not an option.
Here are your positive affirmations to ponder on this week:
- I am not going to settle for less.
- I am not lacking anything within.
- I am putting my own thoughts and feelings ahead of others.
- I am not afraid of anything!
- I am taking ownership of my life.
- I am setting attainable goals.
- I am starting habits that make me great.
When we’re not getting something we want or need, we have a decision to make. We can either accept what we’re receiving or we can demand more. We might not have gotten the job we wanted, so we settle for less by applying for and getting a less challenging job, or one that doesn’t pay as well. The guy you’re dating doesn’t ever make any romantic gestures, but he’s a nice guy so you decide romantic gestures are no longer important to you. Your friend from high school never calls to check up on you. You always have to reach out to her so you can continue to have her in your life. The trouble with settling is that you’re not getting what you deserve, which is the very best! You deserve that director position, if that’s what you want. You deserve to receive flowers just because it’s Wednesday, if that’s important to you. And you deserve to have friends that will call you up to invite you to lunch. But if you continue to settle, you’ll never have those things.
When we settle, we are essentially giving up on a dream, a goal or simply something that’s important to us. And that decision can have long-term consequences. If we settle a little bit here and a little bit there, we may look up 20-30 years from now and find that we’ve been living a mediocre life. And that realization could bring about regret. A friend of mine used to always say that when you settle, you end up getting less than what you settled for. Today, we will discuss why people settle and some things we can do ensure we’re getting the best that life has to offer.
Reasons
I’ve got three main reasons why we settle for less than the best. We’re lacking something within, we put others before ourselves and fear.
Lack
Some of us don’t demand the best because we’re lacking self-worth, self-esteem or self-confidence. We simply don’t think we can do any better so we decide to make the most out of what we already have, or what we can easily attain. The problem with this strategy is that we sometimes can’t make the most out of these things because deep down we’ll always desire more. It ends up becoming a cycle of discontent. You desire more but then you aim low. You hit the bullseye when you aimed low so now you’re back where you started, wanting more. Or maybe you’re initially satisfied when you aimed low. You’re happy about this new opportunity but once that excitement wears off, you’re back to wanting more. We need to elevate our opinion of ourselves. Take a look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I am willing. I am capable. I am deserving.”
Others
A lot of us don’t demand the best because we put the wants, needs or feelings of others ahead of our own wants, needs or feelings. We’re not willing to have that uncomfortable conversation about what someone isn’t doing or what they could be doing better so we just suck it up and deal with it. That’s also known as settling. But if that person comes to us with the same sort of feedback, we’re quick to make changes and comply. Why is that? Are that person’s wants, needs or feelings truly that more important that we’re willing to sacrifice something that could bring us happiness? By settling, we’re implying that the answer is yes. It’s not that we should make demands of that person with no intention of reciprocating. I’m saying there should be a happy medium. Some give and take.
Fear
Sometimes we settle because we’re afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of failure. And also afraid of success. What if you demand more from someone you love, but they’re not willing to meet your demands? What if you apply for that job, but they don’t hire you? What if you start your own business, and it takes off? What will that mean for you and your family? Fear is real because there is a possibility that what we are afraid will happen actually will. And if it does, we don’t know how we would handle it. So we stay where we’re comfortable or where we already know what the outcome will be. Fear stops us in our tracks. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Instead of viewing rejection, failure and success as bad things, think about it like this. If that person wasn’t willing to make some changes to make you happy, was he or she really the one? If you don’t get the job, at least you’ll know the outcome. If you never even apply, you’ll never know what would have happened. And if you’re successful, you’ll have done what so many tried to do but failed.
I am not going to settle for less
Hopefully by now, you’ve decided that settling for less “ain’t it.” Now what? Where do you go from here? How do you stop settling for less? Let’s touch on three ways: take ownership of your life, set attainable goals and start habits that will make you great.
I am taking ownership of my life
Only you can define what settling for less means or looks like, because it’s different for everyone. Not everyone wants to be a CEO before 40. Not everyone wants to be married by 30. And not everyone has to achieve a life milestone by a certain age. So, I would say to first think about what YOU want out of life. What is acceptable by YOUR standards? And second, take an inventory of your life. In what areas have you settled for less? Have you settled for less in your relationship with your significant other? Have you settled less in your job or career? Have you settled for less in your life overall?
The third step you could take is to take some time to think and reflect on WHY you’ve settled for less in these areas. Are you lacking something within? Have you been putting the wants, needs and feelings of others ahead of your own? Or are you afraid of something? If you don’t take this important step, it’s likely you’ll fall back into settling again. Taking ownership of your life means that you’re thinking through every nook and cranny of your life, examining why it is the way it is and making a change if you believe it is needed. So the final step is, as I was saying from the beginning, to make a decision – either accept what we’re receiving or demand more. You could potentially upend your life, but if you’ve thought it through enough, and decided that YOU are worth the change, then make it and don’t look back. Change is never easy, but it’s always worth it in the end.
I am setting attainable goals
We have to be realistic. Sometimes the goals we set are unachievable. They can be unattainable for ourselves or unattainable for other people. You have to consider that you might not ever meet a man who’s over 6-feet tall, rich, highly educated, with all of his hair, no children, who is faithful, loyal, communicates, is a great lover and has good fashion sense. So your boyfriend, who is 5’11, currently a business development manager working on his degree and has one child from a previous relationship but is loyal and communicates, suits you just fine. No, he’s not perfect, but neither are you. Or maybe you expect to been a vice president at your company by age 30. While it can be done, you have a lot of experience to acquire first. Like maybe becoming a manager, then a director, then a VP, which may not all happen before 30. Set goals that you know you can attain. Understand that if you attach a timeline to those goals, things may not fall in line the way you like. But, stay the course and the goal will be met.
I am starting habits that make me great
The average person spends 142 minutes per day on social media. And most times, what is gained from that time spent is not something useful. It’s usually entertainment only. Just imagine if you spent two hours per day reading a book on a topic that will help you get ahead at work. Or if you spent just a fraction of that time pouring into relationships that are suffering. What if you got to bed early for a change. Or started practicing mindfulness? As they say, time is money. And if you’re setting goals but aren’t taking action to achieve them, then you’ve started on the path of settling for less.
What makes YOU great is specific to YOU. Maybe you want to be a better parent. You spend so much time at work. Maybe a habit that will make you great is to spend more time with your kids by taking them for ice cream after school on Friday. Or maybe you’ve been living above your means. A new habit could be to go on a spending fast and only spend money on bills and food. A lot of us are traveling in circles. Doing the same thing and getting the same outcome. Instead, change your behavior and get a different outcome!
CONCLUSION
Settling for less than what you’ve already declared you want or need is essentially making a sacrifice. Understand that when you settle, you usually get less than what you settled for and you could miss out on a life filled with amazing experiences. You could be holding yourself back from a more fulfilling relationship or career because you’re lacking self-confidence within. Or, you could be reluctant to go for more because you’re afraid or put other people ahead of yourself. Make a decision today to not settle for less. Take your life into your own hands, set some attainable goals and take on some habits that will set yourself up for success. Because anything less is not an option.
Here are your positive affirmations to ponder on this week:
- I am not going to settle for less.
- I am not lacking anything within.
- I am putting my own thoughts and feelings ahead of others.
- I am not afraid of anything!
- I am taking ownership of my life.
- I am setting attainable goals.
- I am starting habits that make me great.
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